Monday, December 28, 2009

The Process

My camera is bogged down still with Christmas photos...especially since my family gave me my new Prime lens on Christmas poor Canon...I pretty sure I heard it sigh when I last put it down. My house is still a wreck from having family stay here...and my laundry pile runneth over. So much for uploading and editing right now...that will have to wait...besides who can think about washing bedsheets and unloading the dishwasher when your new Wii Fit Plus keeps calling your name every time you walk by?!?!

So you are left with my "mindless ramblings"

Yesterday I headed out to church the same way I typically do on Sunday myself...coffeeless...and running about 15 minutes behind schedule for worship practice. As I hopped in my husbands car fully prepared to throw it in reverse and floor it praying there are no, up at 6am out walking the doggie by 7, neighbors in my path I quickly realized there was a problem with my plan.

The entire car looked like this...

All six windows in fact.

Doing what any other normal supremely impatient person, that needed to be on her way fast, would do...I cranked the heat...put in on defrost...and hit the rear defrost as well....then I proceeded to push the wiper fluid button and turn the wipers on hoping to clear out a spot big enough to see through. BIG MISTAKE!

All that accomplished was creating a whole 'nother sheet of ice across the whole windshield. I didn't give up there though...I had the grand idea that if I rolled my windows down, I would be able to use my side mirrors to back out of the driveway...and my back windows to determine whether or not I would be driving into oncoming traffic. The plan was brilliant. Not.

Only when I managed to back out, did it hit me that now I was in the middle of my road...and could not see through my windshield. My need to "go" and "hurry" caused me to overlook my biggest obstacle....the fact that I still could not see what was ahead of me.

I managed to pull myself over to the curb, turn on my hazard lights, and wait....until there was a small clearing in the ice big enough to peek through at the very bottom of my windshield of course.

As I made my way on to church it occurred to me what I had just windows were covered in that must go through a process in order to that must melt in order for me to see the path in front of me clearly. Yet I took it upon myself to try to manipulate and rush that process in order to have things my way...I was not content...or even remotely ok with waiting...I was so determined in fact that my desire to "move"....and make a way for myself....clouded my thinking until I had placed myself in harms way.

The Lord began to speak to my heart on that ride to church yesterday ....about Being Still... Being patient...and Trusting in His process.

In my spirit I felt Him asking me....

"How many times do you do this Talysa?...blindly jump ahead of me and my plans for you...try to find a window when a door won't open...try to fix a problem on your own and create a whole other set of problems for yourself just because you are too impatient to wait for Me and trust that I will make a yourself on a path I did not chart for you...possibly even putting yourself in harms way...all the while finding yourself just like you were in this car earlier...helpless, blind, and unaware of what lies before you...for I alone know the plans I have made for you...where I want you and when I intend for you to get there...I alone can see past the process you are so quickly trying to avoid or manipulate...I alone know what I intend for you to learn about My ways...about others...about yourself...while you go through the must learn to be patient...wait on the process...and know who I am."

What a work in progress I am...sometimes I wonder how He would ever tolerate me for much longer than a day...even as I shared this with my husband tonight he interrupted me to ask "Why didn't you just wait?" seems so simple...yet I struggle so much with trusting and believing that God is who He says He is...with truly accepting and trusting in the words of Jeremiah 29:11...not just memorizing them and hanging them on the walls of my house...I'm just so thankful that He does not leave me unfinished. That He is there...always the process...refining...and defrosting.

"And whatever I do, may it always bring glory to you"

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