My husband and son look so carefree in this picture.
And they were.
Outstretched arms and hands.
The wind on their face.
The smell of fried Oreo's and funnel cakes invading their noses.
Care.
Free.
But...
Sometimes in my life I feel like I am on these swings.
And I cannot get off.
Can't slow down.
I scream.
No one seems to hear.
Can't focus on what's around me.
It is all a blur.
Can't get my bearings long enough to reflect on what is behind me.
Remember where I have been.
Where I started.
How far I have come.
Or how I even got to this place.
No memory of the sites.
Smells.
Or sounds.
Worry and stress whisk me up and down.
Unexpectedly.
Catching me off guard.
Anxiety and fear whirl me round and round.
Till I am dizzy.
And weak.
What if's and failure taunt me.
Like two skillful composers.
They write the most beautiful melody.
Line for line.
I am captivated.
Sweaty hands tighten their grasp on the chains.
Fear tightens it's grip on my thoughts.
I am going to fall.
I can't do it all.
Can't be everything to everyone.
Can't be responsible for so many things.
So many people.
I am losing control.
I cannot hold on much longer.
Will you catch me Lord?
Can I really trust that You are there?
The music comes to and end.
The ride stops.
I get off.
Only to get back in line.
And get back on.
Once again.
****************************************************
I want so badly to trust in what is holding me.
Even when I cannot see exactly how.
Loosen my grip.
Let the swings support my weight.
Stretch out my arms.
Breathe in.
Exhale out.
Hear the music.
Take in the smells.
Enjoy the ride.
Focus only on what I can.
What is right in front of me.
Giving no thought to what my eyes cannot see.
To what I cannot be certain of.
To how far above the Earth I'm spinning.
To all that comes and goes.
In the blur.
Who is watching.
What they think.
What awaits me around the corner.
Will the chains hold?
No thought to when I will go up.
Or when I will come down.
If my feet will ever make it back to the security of the ground.
Simply trusting.
That while the music plays.
While I twirl in the uncertainty.
I am held.
I'm linking up here today:
"My every mortal breath, is Grace and nothing less"
