Not just a "1" candle....or just a "3"...no, those days
seem like they were just yesterday have passed...those candles have been wished upon...their lights blown out...my firstborn child...is 13!!!! And I still cannot believe it...can't even wrap my mind around it to be honest...
It would do me no good (and you would be beyond sick of reading my blog) to try to put into words what Tyler means to me...I will just say this...he saved my life. I was 19 (23 days shy of 20) when I gave birth to Tyler...I was nervous beyond comprehension...I know, shocker right? And he was making me brave before he was even born...Due to preterm labor at 6 months, I was on bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy...and my water broke a month early ...27 hours ( this kid was obviously trying his best to make sure he was an ONLY child!) into labor I was being prepped for a c-section...I
cried like a baby and begged insisted that I be given just a little longer to make progress..I wanted so badly the experience of giving birth to him!!! Thankfully I had a doc that conceded to give me one more chance..upped my meds to the max...and about an hour later...Tyler Keith McManus was placed on my chest...all 6lbs. 11 oz. of him...he was mine...and he needed me...and I needed him...more than I would know at the time... It was at that moment...April 3, 1996 at 4:45 pm that I officially grew up.
I really feel like Tyler and I have grown up together in a way...and I wouldn't change that even if I could...I have enjoyed every moment of it...and I am in awe...amazed even...at the handsome, respectful, funny, ridiculously talented, self-sufficient, thoughtful, loving, young man of God he has grown into. And as sad as I can make myself just by thinking back to all that has passed...as mad as I can get when I realize that there is so much I have already forgotten...I wouldn't trade this guy...and who he is right now...in this moment...for the world. He is not just Tyler, my son...he is now Tyler, my friend...Tyler, my brother in Christ. My only wish now would be that time would slow down a bit...but I know that it won't...so I will try my best to soak up every single day I have with him.
Let Me Hold You Longer By: Karen Kingsbury"
Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts: First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst.But one day you will move away and leave to me your past, And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts.~~~~~
The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips. The last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip. The last time when you woke up crying needing to walked.When last you crawled up with your blanket, wanting to be rocked.~~~~~
The last time that you ran to me still small enough to hold, The last time when you said you'd marry me when you grew old. Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from the past - Would I have held you longer if I'd known they were the last?~~~~~
Our last adventure to the park, your final midday nap, The last time when you wore your favorite faded baseball cap. Your last few hours of kindergarten, last days of first grade, Your last at bat in Little League, last colored picture made.~~~~~
never said goodbye to all your yesterdays long past. So what about tomorrow -- will I recognize your lasts?~~~~~
The last time that you catch a frog in that old backyard pond. The last time that you run barefoot across our fresh-cut lawn. Silly, scattered images will represent your past. I keep on taking pictures, never quite sure of your lasts...~~~~~
The last time that I comb your hair or stop a pillow fight. The last that I pray with you and tuck you in at night. The last time that we cuddle with a book, just me and you. The last time you jump in our bed and sleep between us two.~~~~~
The last piano lesson, last vacation to the lake. Your last few weeks of middle school, last soccer goal you make. I look ahead and dream of days that haven't come to pass. But as I do, I sometimes miss today's sweet, precious lasts...~~~~~
The last time that I help you with a math or spelling test. The last when I should that yes, your room is still a mess. The last time that you need me for a ride from here to there. The last time that you spend the night with your old tattered bear.~~~~~
My life keeps moving faster, stealing precious days that pass. I want to hold on longer -- want to recognize your lasts...~~~~~
The last time that you need my help with details of a dance. The last time that you ask me for advice about romance. The last time that you talk to me about your hopes and dreams. The last time that you wear a jersey for your high school team.~~~~~
I've watched you grow and barely noticed seasons as they pass. If I could freeze the hands of time, I'd hold on to your lasts. For come some bright fall morning you'll be going far away. College life will beckon in a brilliant sort of way.~~~~~
One last hug, one last good-bye, one quick and hurried kiss. One last time to understand just how much you will be missed. I'll watch you leave and think how fast our times together passed. Let me hold on longer God, to every precious last.
"And whatever I do, may it always bring glory to you"