Let Me Hold You Longer

This precious little man turned 9 today.

It has pretty much wrecked this momma.

He is my baby.

My last.

I could write a whole post on the flood of mixed emotions that come with realizing that there are certain things you will never do again as a mom.

As much as I try to "love all the stages" like everyone says, it is just suffocating at times.

I try to remember his skin on mine as I rocked him to sleep.

His grunts during our middle of the night feedings.

The way his voice sounded when he would stretch his chubby little arms up to me and say, "on holdchu momma."

I try so hard...but I just can't.

It seems so unfair.

Time flies.

Memories fade.

I hate it.

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So as I do my best to wipe my snotty face and celebrate my sweet funny faced, makes me laugh like no other, random, affectionate, sensitive, tender little guy today, let me share this with you.

If you are a mother to young ones, and maybe it feels like you will never sleep, shower, or carry on adult conversations again...maybe this will encourage you to slow down.

Soak it up.

Don't wish a minute of it away.

It really is true what they say about time.

Unfortunately, sometimes time is the only way we are convinced.

If you are in the boat with me, navigating the unsettling waters of watching your babies become young ladies and young men...get your tissues.

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Let Me Hold You Longer
By: Karen Kingsbury

"Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts:
First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away and leave to me your past,
And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts.
~~~~~
The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips.
The last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip.
The last time when you woke up crying needing to be walked.
When last you crawled up with your blanket, wanting to be rocked.
~~~~~
The last time that you ran to me still small enough to hold,
The last time when you said you'd marry me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from the past -
Would I have held you longer if I'd known they were the last?
~~~~~
Our last adventure to the park, your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite faded baseball cap.
Your last few hours of kindergarten, last days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League, last colored picture made.
~~~~~
I never said goodbye to all your yesterdays long past.
So what about tomorrow -- will I recognize your lasts?
~~~~~
The last time that you catch a frog in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot across our fresh-cut lawn.
Silly, scattered images will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures, never quite sure of your lasts...
~~~~~
The last time that I comb your hair or stop a pillow fight.
The last that I pray with you and tuck you in at night.
The last time that we cuddle with a book, just me and you.
The last time you jump in our bed and sleep between us two.
~~~~~
The last piano lesson, last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school, last soccer goal you make.
I look ahead and dream of days that haven't come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss today's sweet, precious lasts...
~~~~~
The last time that I help you with a math or spelling test.
The last when I should that yes, your room is still a mess.
The last time that you need me for a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night with your old tattered bear.
~~~~~
My life keeps moving faster, stealing precious days that pass.
I want to hold on longer -- want to recognize your lasts...
~~~~~
The last time that you need my help with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for advice about romance.
The last time that you talk to me about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey for your high school team.
~~~~~
I've watched you grow and barely noticed seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time, I'd hold on to your lasts.
For come some bright fall morning you'll be going far away.
College life will beckon in a brilliant sort of way.
~~~~~
One last hug, one last good-bye, one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand just how much you will be missed.
I'll watch you leave and think how fast our times together passed.
Let me hold on longer God, to every precious last.




"My every mortal breath, is Grace and nothing less"